#18 Don’t get married before you are 30.

20 Jun

Ok, ok, ok.  I know.  Who am I to tell you that you can’t get married in your teens or in your twenties?  What if you meet your soul mate when you’re 21?  Why do I think I know what’s best for everyone, especially people I don’t even know?  How can I interfere in other people’s lives when it comes to true love? 

Now, do I really believe that no one should get married before their 30th birthday?  Actually, personally, I do.*  (I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I had gotten married at 23.  By 28, I would have no doubt been looking at my 23-year-old self and wondering WHY DID SHE DO THAT?)  Do I believe that it should be made law?  Not necessarily.  This piece of advice is meant to grab your attention, so hear me out.

Statistics show that the divorce rate for women who get married in their teens is more than 3 times the divorce rate for women who wait until they are 30; for women ages 20-24, the divorce rate is more than 4 times the rate for women who are 30 and older; and, for ages 25-29, women are almost twice as likely to divorce than women who wait until they are 30 (http://www.divorcerate.org/).  (I strongly believe that no one should let statistics define them, but there is nothing wrong with knowing what they are.)  Still not convinced that you should wait?

In your early 20s, you’re likely either in college or just graduated from college.  Maybe you’re considering graduate school.  Perhaps you want to travel the world.  Or maybe, just maybe, you don’t know yet what you really want to do.  So many women feel pressure from family, friends, and society to get married and start a family.  Many feel that getting married in your 20s is what you’re supposed to do.  But why jump into a marriage when you haven’t even figured your life out yet? 

There’s a great new book out called Last One Down the Aisle Wins written by relationship expert Shannon Fox and family law attorney Celeste Liversidge that encourages twentysomething women to stop waiting to get married and to stop waiting for real life to begin.  In their book, they show women how to become “strong, capable, independent, whole” people, before jumping the broom, as well as help women avoid the top ten reasons why women marry too young.  Got “Aisle Envy”?  They cover that too (http://www.lastonedowntheaislewins.com). 

What I’m really saying is discover yourself and know who you are before making a lifetime commitment and becoming someone’s other half.  Experience life.  Try new and different things.  Have an adventure or two.  Be a little selfish  and do what you’ve always wanted to do.  Learn what you like and what you can’t stand.  Know your needs and your deal breakers.  Know what you want out of life.  If you know and have done all of these things by age 25, and I doubt anyone has at 25, fine.  Get married.  If you haven’t, don’t worry.  God willing there’s still a lot of life ahead of you, so you shouldn’t rush to walk down the aisle.  Enjoy and live your life now.

*For everyone I know who got married in their 20s, this does not apply to you.  Do not send me hate mail.  Your marriage will be fine.  Congratulations for not being a statistic.

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8 Responses to “#18 Don’t get married before you are 30.”

  1. Tava June 21, 2010 at 1:08 am #

    Good advice for our daughters. My daughter is 26 and she feels the pressure to walk down the aisle. We all want to find that frog that will turn into a prince but “Men Are Not Like Frogs”. Check out my latest blog entry to find out why.

    • whydidshedothat June 21, 2010 at 11:22 pm #

      Thanks! Women shouldn’t feel pressured, but unfortunately, by late 20s so many women do.

  2. youmissme June 21, 2010 at 11:03 pm #

    Loved the post! I recently had a conversation with my mother about my lack of a mate (I’m 28). She proposed that I travel instead of getting married 🙂

    • whydidshedothat June 21, 2010 at 11:19 pm #

      Thank you! What did you think of that suggestion? I think your comment and conversations I’ve had with others might lead to a follow up post.

  3. DSGBinMD July 9, 2010 at 12:46 pm #

    Believe it or not, guys feel the same pressure too. The next time someone asks me when am i getting married, i will answer because i love to travel and refer back to this blog for relief LOL!! Seriously, This was very informative.

  4. Chandra July 15, 2010 at 5:59 pm #

    This blog was great! Makes me feel better to know that it’s better to be married later, and I agree. I think it’s better to get your career out of the way and establish yourself first and then add someone to the mix. Thanks for the info!

  5. Educator December 15, 2010 at 8:57 pm #

    I was just having this conversation with someone. I was so confused and still “finding” myself in my twenties. Now that I am thirty one I am a lot more confident and assured. My personality is solid (meaning no one can make me feel bad for being me). Great Post!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention #18 Don’t get married before you are 30. « Why Did She Do That Blog -- Topsy.com - September 15, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by OhSoPretty77, Tamara Marbury. Tamara Marbury said: #18 Don't get married before you are 30.: http://t.co/wLFGBGg […]

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