#121 Don’t have frenemies. A person is either your friend or they’re not your friend.

24 Aug

(Cue music)

“What about your friends 
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you”

“What About Your Friends” – TLC

Lucinda Rosenfeld, author of I’m So Happy For You: A Novel About Best Friends, once wrote a New York Post article about women and frenemies.  In it she implies that the root of most female frenemy relationships is jealousy.  “For girls in their early 20s, rivalries tend to revolve around beauty and the attention of men. Later, it becomes easy to measure your lot in life (against that of your best friends) by the size of your wedding ring, the square footage of your apartment, the number of zeros in your or your husband or partner’s salary, and whether or not your kids got into a gifted-and-talented program.”

This made me sit back and take a look at my friends, my real friends, and ask “are there any frenemies disguised as friends?”  I feel a sense of relief as I can honestly say “no.”  While there aren’t any frenemies in my own life, reality TV has given us plenty of good (or bad) examples (in case you haven’t figured it out, I like reality TV).  A long time fan of Bravo’s Real Housewives series, from the very first episode introducing us to the ladies of the gated community of Orange County to the most recent installment focusing on the movers and shakers (and White House party crashers, allegedly) of  Washington, D.C., I can’t get enough of these women ( I hear that Beverly Hills is on deck!).  My advice to them and all women is this:  If we are friends, then let’s be friends and accept each others faults and imperfections.  If we are not friends, then:

We don’t need to go to a horse race together and share a suite just so you can snub me and talk about me behind my back.  (Yes, you, Vicki – Real Housewives of Orange County)

I don’t need you to invite me to lunch just to tell me we’re not friends.  I’m sure I’m well aware of that fact.  (I’m looking at you, Kelly Bensimon – Real Housewives of New York). 

I don’t need you to invite me to sit down to talk so you can tell me I’m garbage.  You don’t like me and I don’t like you, so lose my number.  (Just let it go, Caroline – Real Housewives of New Jersey)

I don’t need you staging a “Kim-tervention” after calling me a “low down dirty monkey with a wig on” behind my back, and I don’t need you trying to snatch that wig off (did you really have good intentions, NeNe and Sheree? – Real Housewives of Atlanta)

I don’t need you to offer to host a birthday party for me and then have your lawyer contact my people to get in writing that you don’t have to pay for anything for the party or else you won’t attend (thought you were too new to make the list, did you, Mr. and Mrs. Salahi? – Real Housewives of DC)

Have you ever had any frenemies?  How did you handle it?  How would you complete the sentence, “If we are not friends, then…”?  How would you complete the sentence, “If we are friends, then…”?

(Image courtesy of Bravo.com)


3 Responses to “#121 Don’t have frenemies. A person is either your friend or they’re not your friend.”

  1. redronnie September 19, 2011 at 11:19 am #

    I had a frenemy. He would never call, never drop by, never invite me for a card game, never hook me up with one of his girlfriend’s cute gal pals. Every time he called he wanted computer work done. I did it, albeit grudgingly. When it finally dawned on me that he wasn’t a friend, I began charging him a fee for the computer work. He grudgingly agreed, then I haven’t heard from him in nine months. Fine by me. Good riddance.


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