#83 Know how to talk to people.

If you didn’t watch this video, please take a couple of minutes to watch it.  Go ahead.  I will wait.  It gets good around the 1:25 mark.

*Waiting* 

Now that you’ve watched it, it’s time for a pop quiz.  

Question 1.  Who is he? 

Question 2.  Why was he giving this speech? 

Question 3.  What was his message?

Pencils down.  How did you do?  Were you able to answer all 3 questions?  You weren’t?  Were you even listening to his speech?  Surely, you heard what he said, right?  No?  Ok, good.  I’m not alone.  I’ve watched this video 3 times now and I still don’t know what his message is or what I was supposed to learn from the speech.  The one thing that I did catch the second time I watched it is that he has a Masters in Communication.  You heard me.  A Masters in Communication.  I promise I’m not making that up.  Go back and listen (at the 0:57 mark). 

This is the perfect example of why it is important to know how to talk to people.  Even though I watched this video 3 times, I only heard how the message was delivered; not once, did I listen to the content of what he was saying.  Whether you’re giving a campaign speech, talking to your spouse about excessive spending, or explaining to a coworker how they could be a better team player, the way you deliver the message will always affect how well the message is received.

Think back to the last time you were angry with someone.  If you yelled, rolled your eyes, and had major attitude with them, it’s very likely that they mirrored you and gave you major attitude right back.  And what was the result?  Were they receptive to what you had to say?  Did you get a heartfelt apology?  Did the problem get resolved?  Were you able to reach a compromise or solution?  Most likely not. 

If your intention is to pick a fight, then by all means, use an accusatory tone, yell, scream, and then try to walk away before they can even reply.  This will put the person on the defensive and cause them to lash back at you.  And if you really want to make the situation worse, you will confront them in this manner in front of others.  (Not only will you embarrass them, but instead of making yourself look big and bad, you will give people a bad impression of you.  What you don’t realize is that once you stomp away, no one is talking about what you said, but instead, everyone is talking about you.)  But if you want to accomplish something or want to get your point across, change your tone, your words, and your attitude.  When you put people on the defensive, they automatically stop listening to what you’re saying no matter how great your underlying point is, because in their mind, they are planning their defense; therefore your message is lost.  Or even worse, because you were mad and now probably made them mad, they might even repeat the action that initially set you off  just to push your buttons and make you even angrier.  So the next time you need to get your point across to someone, take a deep breath and speak to them just as you would want someone to speak to you.