Tag Archives: Dating

#149 Don’t date a friend’s ex.

21 Nov

Luckily, I haven’t had to deal with this issue and I don’t think I will because (a) my friends and I don’t have the same taste in men and (b) most of my friends are now married (and (c) the thought of dating someone one of my friends dated grosses me out a little.  No offense to my friends or their exes.). 

I recently had a discussion with someone about dating a friend’s ex.  My general advice is don’t do it.  It’s not worth it.  Unless your friend gives her approval.  And then…it’s still not worth it.  If you cherish your friendship with your girl friend, I wouldn’t risk whatever old feelings or new feelings might resurface when she sees the two of you together.  Because undoubtedly, she’s going to see you two together.  She’s going to see you holding hands, exchanging kisses, going on dates, taking trips, taking pictures specifically to post on Facebook, sending subliminal tweets to each other, changing your status to Engaged on Facebook, planning your wedding, getting married at the church that she had picked out for their wedding but since they broke up she won’t need it anymore and you just stole it and the rest of the wedding ideas that she shared with you when SHE WAS DATING YOUR MAN BUT WHO BROKE UP WITH HER AND HAD THE NERVE TO START DATING YOU!!  Oh wait…what was I saying?  Oh right.  Dating a friend’s ex.  Don’t do it lest you find yourself starring in your very own real life Lifetime Movie. 

#14 Guys do a lot of talking. Let their actions speak for them.

15 Aug

“Everytime I see you with your boys, you pretend as if you don’t want me.  When you get home you call me on the phone and tell me how much you care.”  -Destiny’s Child “No, No, No” Part 2

How many times have you sung this line in your head or actually spoken these words to the man in your life?  Or remember at the end of that date when he said, “I had a great time.  I would love to see you again,” but you never heard from him again?  Or when he said, “I will call you” and your phone never rang.  Yeah, I know you remember. 

Well, in case you never read the book or saw the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, let me be the one to tell you–if he wanted to see you again, he would ask you on another date.  If he wanted to talk to you again, he would call you.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know what he said.  I’ve heard those lines myself a time or two…or three…or ten.  I know you’re telling yourself, trying to convince yourself, wanting to make yourself believe that he meant what he said, but if he meant it he would follow-up with actions proving it. 

I decided to write about this after watching an episode of MTV’s Jersey Shore (there are so many WHY moments on this show).  Let me set it up for you.  So apparently Sammi Sweetheart and Ronnie (who looks like he’s all too familiar with roid rage) used to date, but now they are broken up.  After a few minutes of watching this episode, it became clear that Sammi is not over Ronnie.  So Ronnie and Sammi get into an argument and he completely disrespects her and calls her the “c” word.  He goes to the club and kisses and grinds on anything and everything in a skirt.  He comes home from the club and climbs in bed with Sammi and is kissing on her and loving on her and she accepts it like its ok.  Like she forgot what happened earlier in the night.  Like she was hit with a case of amnesia.  After watching a little more, it is so clear that Ronnie “loves” Sammi when it’s convenient, but his actions tell a completely different story.  Ladies, actions speak so much louder than words.  Make him prove what he says. 

Of all the relationship advice books, is there one that you think offers the best advice?  Do you disagree with them?  Is there any advice that you would give?

(Image courtesy of Amazon.com)

#50 Don’t go on a reality TV show to find love.

1 Aug

Jillian and Ed.  Jake and Vienna.  Ray J and Cocktail.  Ray J and Mz. Berry.  Flavor Flav and Hoopz.  Flavor Flav and Deelishis.  Flavor Flav and Thing 2 (I just chuckled to myself as I typed that name).  Fourteen seasons of The Bachelor and no marriages.*  Two Seasons of Ray J of Love and I don’t even think they dated after the season ended.  Three seasons of Flavor of Love and I still wonder how there was even a Season 1 of that show (I know I’m not the only one wondering why one young woman would want a then almost 50 year old recovering drug addict with 7 kids much less 65 women over 3 seasons). 

Do you really think that in a couple of months of living in a house with a bunch of other women, going on a few group dates, getting 5 minutes of his time every few days, having a couple of one-on-one dates, meeting the  family, and one overnight date that you will know the guy well enough to find a husband?  Most men are naturally competitive so they will do what it takes to win, because after all, it is a competition.  So how will you know what’s real on this reality show?  And how many times have we seen people get busted for having a boyfriend or girlfriend back home or slip up and tell someone that they aspire to be a model, actress, or singer (many of whom will sing every chance they get while the cameras are rolling)?

If you just want 15 minutes to shine, then go ahead, be on a reality dating show, get yourself a little nickname and a couple of roses and then move on with your life.  Please don’t try to stretch your 15 minutes as “Mz. Applebottom” into a career.  Three years later I don’t want to hear on the local radio station that “Mz. Applebottom” is hosting a party for the grown and sexy at a local club.  Please go back to whatever your life was before the show or perhaps use your new-found face recognition to get yourself into a legitimate career.  But whatever you do, don’t shed a tear on the reunion show when the bachelor says that he doesn’t think that the relationship will work, because (a) it was a reality show and you should have known better and (b) you should have already known it wasn’t going anywhere when the man you chose or the man who chose you never called you after filming ended. 

*After 6 seasons of The Bachelorette, there has been one marriage that 7 years later appears to still be going strong.  Congrats to Trista and Ryan for beating the odds and finding true love on a reality TV show. 

(Image courtesy of People.com)