Tag Archives: Friends

#149 Don’t date a friend’s ex.

21 Nov

Luckily, I haven’t had to deal with this issue and I don’t think I will because (a) my friends and I don’t have the same taste in men and (b) most of my friends are now married (and (c) the thought of dating someone one of my friends dated grosses me out a little.  No offense to my friends or their exes.). 

I recently had a discussion with someone about dating a friend’s ex.  My general advice is don’t do it.  It’s not worth it.  Unless your friend gives her approval.  And then…it’s still not worth it.  If you cherish your friendship with your girl friend, I wouldn’t risk whatever old feelings or new feelings might resurface when she sees the two of you together.  Because undoubtedly, she’s going to see you two together.  She’s going to see you holding hands, exchanging kisses, going on dates, taking trips, taking pictures specifically to post on Facebook, sending subliminal tweets to each other, changing your status to Engaged on Facebook, planning your wedding, getting married at the church that she had picked out for their wedding but since they broke up she won’t need it anymore and you just stole it and the rest of the wedding ideas that she shared with you when SHE WAS DATING YOUR MAN BUT WHO BROKE UP WITH HER AND HAD THE NERVE TO START DATING YOU!!  Oh wait…what was I saying?  Oh right.  Dating a friend’s ex.  Don’t do it lest you find yourself starring in your very own real life Lifetime Movie. 


#29 Be that friend.

31 Oct

Remember #28?  (https://whydidshedothat.wordpress.com/2010/10/18/28-have-at-least-one-friend-who-will-tell-you-that-your-dress-is-too-tight/)  With some friendships, you just have to decide that you’re going to be that friend.  Yes, the friend who say, “Friend, your dress is too tight.”  You must decide that you’re going to be that friend who puts her foot down and refuses to let your friend walk out of the house looking any kind of way. Even if you don’t do that for your friend, at least do it for yourself.  After all, whenever I see a woman with her friends and she’s wearing something too tight, too short, and just plain wrong for her, I fault her friends.  I think either (a) her friends think what she’s wearing is cute which makes me also look at them with one eyebrow raised or (b) they aren’t real friends because friends don’t let friends wear stuff like this:


#28 Have at least one friend who will tell you that your dress is too tight.

18 Oct

We all probably have different levels of friendship amongst our friends.  There’s the BFF (best friend forever), your inner circle, your good friends, your acquaintances, and the “yeah, I know who she is, but we’re not friends” friends (https://whydidshedothat.wordpress.com/2010/08/24/121-dont-have-frenemies-a-person-is-either-your-friend-or-theyre-not-your-friend/).  You’ve got the friends to whom you tell all of your deep, dark secrets, the ones who will stand by your side through thick and thin, and the ones who lend a shoulder when you need to cry or an ear when you need to vent.  There are those you talk to everyday, once a month, or only on special occasions.  The ones you would give your last dime to and the ones for whom you would drop everything in their time of need.  There are the friends who will tell you exactly what you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. 

And then there are those friends who won’t.  There are those friends who let you walk out of the house looking any kind of way.  The ones who won’t tell you that your dress/pants/skirt is too tight.  The ones who won’t tell you that the finger waves/french roll/cornrows combo is not a good look on you (or anyone).  The ones who will say, “Yeah, girl, they wouldn’t make skinny jeans in your size if it wasn’t cute.”  Well, I’m here to tell you that she’s lying.  No, you should not be wearing that and no, it is not cute. 

While I do blame the hair stylists, the clothing designers, the retail stores, and the sales people for their roles in all of this, I place the most blame on friends.  And stop thinking that your friend is “hating” on you when she tells you that you shouldn’t wear that spandex Catwoman suit or that your jheri curl that you’re trying to disguise as “good hair” (or baby hair glued to your forehead) is not cute.  She’s not hating on you, she’s just hating that outfit or that hair style, and rightfully so. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t claim to be perfect.  I didn’t say that I’ve never had a WHY DID SHE DO THAT moment.  I’m sure I have.  I just don’t recall at the moment.  I’m just saying that we all need to be more conscious of our body types and wear clothing that’s appropriate and flattering to our figures.  And since we don’t always have the best judgment when it comes to ourselves, I encourage you to designate one friend to be that friend who will keep it real with you.  The one friend you can’t get mad at for telling you something that you don’t want to hear.  The one friend who can do so knowing that it’s her job as your friend to keep it real with you.  Believe me.  We all need that friend.

(But if your friend is also looking a mess, pick another friend.)

#135 Pay back money that you owe.

30 Aug

Most financial advisors will tell you, “Don’t lend money to family or friends.”  They advise that lending money to family and friends will lead to strained relationships.  But if you MUST lend money, they say, don’t lend money that you need; lend money that you can afford to give away and never get back. 

That sounds like great advice to me.  What more needs to be said?  Unfortunately, for most people, that’s not where it ends.  Once you give someone money under the condition that it is a loan, even if you tell yourself that you don’t expect to get it back, it’s hard to completely let go of that money.  You still see it as “your money”.  You want to know where it’s going, what it’s being used for, and whose hands it will touch.  Will it be used to pay the water bill, settle a gambling debt, or fund a “dancer’s” college education?

And then it happens.  You learn through Twitter than the person you loaned money to just bought a new designer handbag.  Or the person you loaned money to texts you from the airport as they prepare to leave for their vacation.  They appear to be living the life; they are doing a whole lot more than you.  And don’t let them come to your house fresh out of the salon (oh, you fancy huh?) when your own hair looks like it needs to become reacquainted with a comb.  In your head you begin to let them have it:

Excuse me if I’m not excited about any of this.  That’s because I’m working hard to make sure I have money to give you the next time you need it support my habits–you know, like eating three meals a day.  I’m delaying my vacation because I can’t afford it right now.  Maybe if I hadn’t loaned you that money I could have taken a vacation too, but whatever.  You needed the money and I gave it to you so I’m not going to dwell on it.  So you go ahead and enjoy your little vacation on my dime (whether they actually used your money to take their vacation is beside the point at this moment.  Let you tell it, every penny to their name came from you).  As soon as I get my money back, I will be excited for you too. 

Maybe some of you will actually let these thoughts cross your lips, but no one wants to be the intended target of these words.  If you owe someone money, do your best to pay it back (especially before you go flaunting your new shoes in their face) and remember that the person who loaned it to you might have denied themself something in order to give to you.  Come up with a payment plan or set money aside so you can give it all to them in one lump sum.  Do whatever you can to show that you intend to pay the money back and then follow through with it.  If you make a habit of never paying money back, eventually people will stop lending it to you.